Feeling Like a Mommy

Earlier this month, I celebrated my first Mother's Day. We started the celebration on the Friday before Mother's Day. Dan arranged for his parents to babysit Dylan while we went out to a nice seafood dinner. I hadn't been out to a restaurant since little Dylan was born, so it was a treat for me. It was a combination birthday/anniversary/Mother's Day/Date Night. I was still healing and recovering from childbirth for my birthday in April, and we didn't make it out to dinner for our seven year anniversary at the beginning of May. Dan knew I was becoming extremely stir crazy and he wanted to commemorate all these very important events this year. We made all the preparations. Dylan had a shower and we worked to schedule his feedings so that he would be happy, fed, and sleeping for Dan's parents. We packed a diaper bag full of all the things Dylan might need "just in case." We dropped a sleeping Dylan off at the parents' place, chatted with the parents for a little bit, then excused ourselves because we weren't sure how long it would be until Dylan woke up, or what mood he would be in when he did. We drove to the restaurant and had a wonderful tastey meal. I made a conscious effort to not look at the the time or call Dan's parents even once the whole time we were out. Yes, the main topic of dinner conversation was Dylan, but it was pleasant conversation and we were not fretting too much about him. Dan and I had a delicious and relaxing dinner together. When we returned to Dan's parents' house, Dylan was still sleeping. Success!

On Mother's Day Sunday, my parents came down to our house to visit. They wanted to play with Dylan and maybe give Dan and I some time to ourselves. Instead, Dan decided to make the day a great Mother's Day for both my mom and me. He cleaned the house, went grocery shopping, cooked up lunch, barbecued dinner, washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen afterward. My parents had a blast cuddling and playing with Dylan and taking pictures every time he changed position or made a face. It was a great day.

The question I was asked most often about my first Mother's Day was, "Do you feel like a Mommy?" Strangely, my answer was, "No." The whole experience of New Mommyhood has been very surreal.

I have been mulling over my feelings with Dan since we were recovering in the hospital after Dylan was born. Sure, it was a great relief to hear Dylan's first cry after he was born. It's a fact that indeed, my life did drastically change at that moment. But there was no lightning crack and angelic music playing and floaty little sparkly specks of light in the air and a magical poof that brought me to tears. Somehow, it felt a little like someone had dropped off this little baby for us to take care of for a little while, and they would be back soon to pick him up. Don't get me wrong, Dan and I both loved the new experience of learning about swaddling and diaper changes and trying to figure out what all the strange baby noises meant. We both thought right away that Dylan was the cutest baby we had ever seen. We just felt a little detached, at first.

There are a couple of primary factors that likely contributed to this almost anti-climatic feeling. First, we had been trying to start a family for a very long time. It was something we expected and eagerly anticipated. We felt as emotionally ready as any new parent can be. We proactively took the Childbirth and New Baby Care classes, read the research and asked the doctors questions. Second, we observed and marveled at the many friends and family who made the transition from Couple to Family. We watched the adults grow and change as interactive and doting parents and the babies turn into healthy, intelligent toddlers and children. We barraged our friends and family with questions about their successes and hardships of parenthood and raising children. The addition of Baby Dylan to our family was everything we had hoped for and more.

After some contemplating about these feelings, I have come to the conclusion that this experience has been like falling in love. When I first met Dylan at the hospital, I thought he was the Most Beautiful Baby Boy in the World. I loved his soft hair, his olive skin, his long limbs and his big, round eyes. He was perfect and healthy and I wanted to do what I could to make him happy. When I brought him home, I started learning about his funny quirks, antics and facial expressions. I enjoyed firguring out what made him tick. As he is becoming more and more aware of himself and the world around him, he often becomes overwhelmed and sometimes scared. He is learning about new startling noises and gas pain in his belly. Now, I can comprehend that I am the one he turns to for comfort and protection from pain and potential (even if they are just perceived) dangers. I have that heartbreak when he is upset about being overtired, being overstimulated or having gas pain in his belly. As his personality emerges, I am emotionally tied to him. I am sad when he is sad and I cannot seem to help him. I am happy when he is happy. When I hold him in my arms, I tell him that we are here to take care of each other and we can make it through anything together.

I feel more like a Mommy every day. I have most definitely fallen in love.

It's a Start!

(Big Daddy Edit - I don't know why the video took the screen grab of "Convict Everyone" to represent the file but whatever. Convict Everyone!)

Uncle Agoo

Our life is changing more quickly than we could have ever imagined. Little Dylan is growing and changing more every day. Dan and I are adapting to parenthood and changing our sleeping and eating patterns to fit in those necessary daily events in the small spaces of time in Dylan's schedule of eating and sleeping. Dan is helping to keep the house clean, grocery shopping and cooking, while I juggle Dylan's ever-changing schedule as he grows.

At the last pediatrician's checkup, he weighed just under 10 pounds. His hair is actually getting longer. The cleaner it is, the more it stands up. I don't even bother trying to get it to stay down any more. It's kinda cute when it sticks up on his head, so I actually just brush it upwards, now. The pediatrician logged him in at 21.75 inches long, but we think he's just under 24 inches already. The Newborn-sized clothing is a bit tight on him, so he's mostly wearing the 0-3 month sized clothing now. He is still wearing N sized diapers, but switches from N to 1 sometimes. The 1 sized diaper is significantly larger. Shouldn't there be a size "N and a half?"

He must be able to see a little better every day. A few weeks ago, it was fun to see the surprised expression on his face when he first noticed the ceiling fan in his room. Despite it being a white ceiling fan on a white ceiling, Dylan seemed to notice and be enthralled with the strange movement he had never seen before. Shortly after that, he noticed some of the plastic rings hanging near his head in the playyard. He figured out how to bat at them with his right hand. We still don't think he knows whose hand is hitting the rings, but he is able to make the dangling rings move pretty consistently. He also has started to track me from the crib with his eyes and head as I move around his room. I had been taking the opportunity to straighten up his room as he was falling asleep in the crib. Much to my surprise one day, I saw two little round eyes following me as I moved from the chair to the closet to the dresser and to the shelves. Dylan is amazed with blank walls for some reason. Perhaps it is the fascination with the different colored walls in different rooms, or perhaps he just doesn't know that he has the coordination to turn his head in a different direction, but he will stare at a blank wall for disturbingly long spans of time. The most disturbing part is that he does it without blinking.

He is getting stronger from "tummy time" and can hold his head up in the push-up position really well. He uses that arm strength to push away from you when we are holding him in our arms up to our shoulders. He has somewhat discovered his legs, and sometimes flexes both his arms and legs when we pick him up, making him feel like a stiff doll. He can roll over from his belly to his back, but not consistently. I did get some video of him rolling over for the camera, though. He is also using his swaddle as resistance training for arm strength. Swaddling him in a blanket or a specialized swaddling wrap with velcro helps him sleep, but there have been times where he starts to wriggle out of the swaddle as he wakes up from a nap.


He is sleeping decently well. At night, he sleeps in 3.5 to 6 hour increments pretty regularly. About once a week, though, he has a growth spurt and he sleeps for shorter periods and eats more often. those days are really tiring, but we are extremely fortunate that it doesn't happen regularly.

The most exciting development, though, is his interaction with people and things. He smiles when he looks at people. His face lights up especially in the morning when he first sees Dan. Dylan also makes faces and coos and makes other noises when his diaper is being changed. It is fun to watch his face when he is moving his lips to try to make new sounds. He tries to imitate the facial expressions of the person who is holding him. It is also fun to listen to him make new noises. I brought him to Dan once to show off his noises Dylan was making. He had been experimenting with new noises, so it was thrilling for both of us to listen to him. As if on cue, Dylan said, "Unka? Ah, goo!" Then he gave a big smile. We have translated this as Uncle Agoo, and we unfortunately don't have an Uncle Agoo to attach the name to. But Dylan speaks of him often, and he makes us all very happy. In the past few days, Dylan has been adding to his vocabulary with various, oohs, gahs, and boos. He looks forward to having long chats with his Uncle Agoo very soon!

The sun doesn't shine on him. He shines on the sun.

Webster's was forced to redefine 'adorable'.

He laughs in the face colic.

His used diapers have been sold on Ebay and every reserve has been met.

The hospital was charged for the privilege of delivering him.

He's credited with making baby talk an official language.

When he flails his arms in a seemingly random fashion, an hurricane is prevented in China.

Big Bird has pictures of him on his diaper.

Photographers are careful to use a cuteness reduction filter so as to not overwhelm their cameras.

When he was born, Matt Dillon changed his name to Matt Dylan.

He doesn't stay inside or outside the lines. He draws the lines.

He once made a sound that couldn't be spelled in the English language. There are now 28 letters in the alphabet.


He is

THE

MOST INTERESTING BABY

in the

WORLD

'Stay Thirsty My Friends...'